Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Words are a Double-Edged Sword

"Words can hurt"... when we hear of this, normally our thoughts turn to the person the words are inflected upon. Yes, those words hurt, but what of the person who spoke them? Do the words reflect back to slice into them as well?


Recently I have been handling the blade of wounding words as if I were a master. The reason for this I am not sure exactly, except that I truly was out of a certain medication that makes me a more pleasant person, able to handle more, able to understand more, to "put up with" more... Without those lovely psychotropic pills, I can become quite a bore and a witch, besides.

For years, I have dealt with other people who are different than I. Surprising, right? We all have friends who range into basically three categories: My Twin, Slightly Aggravating, and Why on Earth Do I Put Up With You????

Our twins hardly ever irritate or annoy us, frequently finish our thoughts, and never seem to be far away. We could not speak or see each other for ten years, then meet up and resume a conversation we had previously as if no time had spanned. These are usually our "dearest friends".

The slightly aggravating friends are the ones whom we clash with from time to time, but always find a way to overcome it. These are the people with whom we build our own character, ride the roller coaster of life with the most, and expose our deepest secrets to. We fight, we fuss, we argue, we throw things, but all in all we come back to each other with opened arms and streams of tears.

With the third category, usually these 'friends' are not exactly our friends at all--they are merely called this because of circumstance or their own design. These are the ones to whom we do not feel close to, often entertain ideas of eliminating the unhealthy limb, and avoid as much as possible. Usually, we find a way to end the relationship.

But what happens when we unintentionally treat our first or second category friends as if they are the third? This can happen in times of stress, illness (mental or physical), immaturity, and just plain stupidity. In time we realize that we have mistreated our friend, but words have been spoken, wounds have been caused, and the other friend is (understandably) bleeding. Like with any wound, we cannot reverse it to keep it from happening, nor can we simply offer a bandage to contain the hurt. This is a hurt that oozes and instantly infects. It changes everything. It wounds both the person the words were directed at, and the one who spoke them.

I have suffered from this stupidity recently and wounded a dear friend who was just being herself. I have known for years that she is the way she is and will not change--at times I am able to silently bear with it more than others. When I boiled over to inflect my cutting words, I was suffering from stress, lack of sleep, lack of medication (which truly does help for some of us), aggravation, and a build up of repressed emotions. Under normal circumstances, I could sigh it away, like I have for years, and appreciate the friendship. That day, I lashed out at her, spoke words that, while true, were very hurtful, and should have handled it more like an adult instead of a bitch.

Usually I would try to use a different word, but I think that one quite accurately describes my behavior, so it will stay.

I regret more than I can ever express my behavior that night. The words were honest, but needed to be said differently, at a different time, and perhaps not at all. We are both hurting from numerous avenues of our lives and did not need me attacking at a vulnerable moment.

She may not read this, or respond. She may be upset to the point where she can no longer be around me or suffer my presence. I cannot say that I would blame her. I just wished to apologize again, in a way that is more sincere than the last way we spoke, so that she has it whenever she is ready for it.

From the depths of my heart, I sincerely and humbly beg your forgiveness, my friend. I hope you are able to come to the day where you are ready to speak to me about this, and perhaps I may earn my friendship again.

Until then, I wait upon your convenience.

Monday, July 11, 2011


This is Lydia again. I know Jennifer will probably post again tomorrow, but for now I wanted to share my exciting (to me) news...

I learned how to crochet tonight!

My mother's been asking to teach me for years, so did my grandmother (who passed in May 2010) but I remember how I clashed with my mother when she taught me cross-stitch. Oh dear, was that horrible! I had no patience (hm, I still really do not have much patience) and we both ended up arguing so terribly that neither of us spoke to the other for hours. Trust me, for us, that's something.

So a friend taught me. You might have read her blog, The Modest Peacock where she posts all sorts of creative tidbits. She's a walking fount of artistic knowledge!!! She has shown me the basics and been very patient with my repeated questions.

I'm using one of my grandmother's crochet needles (if that's what they're called--I have a lot to go in learning all of this!) so I think she would be pleased. Sometimes, working on this, I've heard her voice in the back of my mind encouraging me and instructing. I must be remembering the lessons she taught me long ago, and only now am pulling it out now that I'm doing this.

Even if it's only my imagination, it feels good to be doing something grandma wanted me to do!

Guest blog Day #1

Hi! My name is Jennifer! Lydia is letting me guest blog for this week since I don't have one and I want to write about my stuff at the beach. I suppose I could start my own but then I'd feel pressured to keep writing in it after this week and I don't know if I want to do that yet. If I decide to, then I might copy and paste. Anyways, thank you, Lydia!!

Day one at Destin and we are staying with our wonderful friend Marilynn. She has been overrun with small children (my two year old and my friend, Jenny's, three year old) and has been smiling instead of running away or shutting the door in our face. Bless her heart!

Plans for today? Um.... make it to the beach and don't melt in a puddle from the heat. haha At least I should lose some weight this way! I can see it now: "Wow you look great! How did you lose all those pounds?" I'll smile and say "It's the sweat-loss weight plan. Go to the beach...hide in a sundress since you think you're too wide in a bathing suit, add a few more pieces of clothing, and viola! Ten pounds lighter in three days!"

I wish.

The beach is so rewarding for a writer. The smell of the salty ocean wafting on the breeze has always gotten my better creative juices flowing. Watch out, Kitty! My creative juices are flowing all into your van! Someone go get a towel....

I'm not sure what else to write, lol. Lydia's much better at this blogging thing than I am. For now, I will sign off, but more to come as this week progresses, I'm sure!

Oh! Marilyn has this amazingly beautiful queen of a cat named Charlotte. She's 15 and absolutely gorgeous! When we came in I let her sniff me at her leisure and then once she presented me with her chin I pet where she allowed. Marilyn had been distracted by the children and once she turned to me, her eyes widened with astonishment. I learned, much to my amusement, that Charlotte does not allow ANYONE to pet her without biting or scratching. Marilyn took one look at me pampering her baby and asked the magic question: "You're a cat person, aren't you?" Heehee Little does she know exactly how MUCH I love cats! I am definitely going to get pictures of this amazing diva before we leave! (Right now she's hiding from the children...a wise idea...)

Monday, July 4, 2011

Tragedy Strikes a Turkey

Why is life so exciting? Just for a few months I'd like to be overwhelmed by sheer boredom and complain in my blog that I have absolutely nothing occurring in my life.

Alas, such is not the case.

Yesterday four (yes, FOUR) of my family members were involved in a head-on collision very close to where I live. I could stand on my porch and hear the sirens loud and clear. By the time I had found someone to take my daughter so I could try to help at the scene, the road was blocked by a nice, but very firm policeman. (My brother and I wondered if the policeman could jump in his car fast enough and catch us by the time we arrived at the scene anyway...but we didn't do it.)

My grandfather, his wife, and my aunt and uncle were traveling in their white Scion when an idiot in the other lane decided he wanted to pass everyone. Unfortunately, my family was in the way and there was no where for them to go since that area has no shoulder. Grandpa turned the wheel slightly so that the two vehicles did not slam completely head-on (for that would have instantly killed everyone), but even askew the damage was quite shocking. Scions not being noted for their massive arm and leg room anyway was cramped with four adults. Add another immovable object and you have a recipe for disaster.

The front half of the Scion was ripped away and mangled beyond recognition. The front of the other car (about the size of a Grand Prix) was mixed into what remained. Glass was everywhere...fluids both from the car and the injured people all over the street... the road was shut down on both ends.

The driver of the other car (idiot, moron, ignoramus) was life-flighted to Atlanta Medical Center, but we have no other word on his condition.

My family spend yesterday in the trauma center of Grady's ER. At first everyone thought that the worse injured was Grandma Pam since she has a hemotoma on her head, two broken bones in her arm (one came out of her skin...), hip broken in two places, and various other problems. She had had to have been cut out of the Scion with the jaws of life since the dashboard decided to get rather friendly with her lap and chest.

But, no, the most badly injured has been my uncle, who was sitting behind her. He said it hurt to move so a possible spinal injury was suspected. He spent most of the night in surgery and we were informed this morning that his large intestines were damaged. Pieces had to have been removed and the wound left open to help with bruising and swelling. He has been placed on partial paralysis to help him heal faster, but time will tell with this kind of injury.

My aunt Stacey has a broken breastbone and they have been trying to explore if her lungs were punctured since they discovered a bubble of air in her chest wall. No word on this yet.

My grandfather, the man I have been feuding with for the better part of a decade and had declared I would never speak to again or allow in my life... My grandfather who is more stubborn than any of us combined... My grandfather who refused to come to my wedding based on a technicality (and now I'm starting to see that perhaps I myself should have skipped the wedding)... he lay on the gurney, neck in a brace, banged up, bruised up, cut up, in pain, and repeating over and over "We could have died today and there was nothing I could do about it". It would take a harder heart than I have to ignore this pitiful display and continue to hate the man for being himself.

After nearly twelve years, we finally made our peace. And, wow, the look on his face when he saw me! If the situation had not been so dire, it would have been quite funny.

Now, almost 24 hours later, they are still in ICU, rotating in and out of surgeries, being tended to, needing support and love.

But can I go to the ICU? The last time I was in an ICU waiting room, it was for my grandmother Dora, watching her die over a week. Can I struggle against those memories while being allowed to see my grandparents, uncle and aunt for only a few minutes every few hours? And with a rambunctious two year old?

At least after this incident, I realize that even after all his crap, his irritations, and quirks, I do indeed love my grandfather. I will never have the kind of relationship I wish to have with him--he's just not that kind of person--but I can try to make a relationship with him for the years he has left with us.

My tongue might grow holes in it...

Please pray and keep my family in your thoughts as they heal and are tended to by the doctors. They all still have quite a recovery ahead of them!